Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A few things I don't love...
1. CUSTOMERS. OF SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS COMPANY I WONT NAME FOR FEAR OF LEGAL ACTION.
Seriously, just shut the hell up. Screaming at me, calling me names, swearing at me and telling me you hope my house burns down and everyone I love is inside just isn't going to make me want to bend over backwards to remove that $1.25 directory assistance call that NO ONE at your house made.
It's amazing how many millions of people have long distance charges that miraculously they know nothing about. Sure, I totally understand how all those collect calls WHICH NO ONE ACCEPTED show up on your bill. Especially when I can see that said collect calls lasted 25 minutes. Oh yes, I know, NO ONE IS HOME AT YOUR HOUSE ever at the exact time those collect calls were made, so of course NO ONE COULD ACCEPT THEM. Funny how those collect calls work though. As in, THEY DON'T, AT ALL, unless someone accepts them.
If you even knew how many calls I take a week about the phantom long distance bandits, you would totally feel like a big old jackass for even trying to get away with that. Hell, at least try and think up a new story. That way you just might get some credits for being fabulous. Okay, no, you won't. Just kidding. But stop it, it's gay.
2. WHEN YOU SEE A CHARGE LABELED "FEDERAL TAX", IT'S SAFE TO GO AHEAD AND ASSUME THE FEDERAL FREAKING GOVERNMENT IS CHARGING YOU.
I know, I know. Living in America and all, it's hard to imagine the Federal Government taxing you for things. Like services. And purchases. It's mind boggling.
Of course, I could just ignore the fact that you JUST DROPPED IN FROM MARS, and therefore are struggling with the idea of taxes, but sometimes I find the strength within myself to try and explain that federal and state taxes are voted on by the constituency of said state, but I can only hear so many times, "But, I didn't vote!" before my skin gets all rashy and I start to eat my own hair.
You didn't vote? Then just shut your damn cakehole.
And for the record, I cannot anyway anyhow remove FEDERAL taxes. Seriously, if I had that superpower do you really think I would be wasting my time and my considerable talents doing this for a living?"
3. AH, THE DREADED 900/976 CHARGES.
Actually, these are almost my favorite calls and it's a shame I don't get them more often. Yes, Customer, of course I understand that your husband/son/nephew/dog/whatever would NEVER EVER do something like call a 900 number! So please, argue with me about it for a half hour or so while calling me names, letting me know that you know the company is trying to sneak these charges onto your bill, thinking you will be too embarrassed to call and dispute these naughty charges, but that you, the customer, are onto the company and they are not getting away with it while you are around.
But wait...Here's the dealy-o, Nancy Drew.
Those 900/976 people aren't so stupid. They record the FIRST THREE MINUTES of every single call made. So this means of course, that I get to transfer you to said 900 company and listen as you get your ass handed to you when you hear those first three minutes containing none other than the voice of blah blah Nasty McPervy Pants that would NEVER make that call. And then I laugh at you. And probably talk about you at break.
4. AND LAST, BUT OH MY GOSH, CERTAINLY NOT LEAST.
When you call to dispute charges and I explain them to you, at which point you go all crazy and screamy on me and tell me you are NOT paying, please, PLEASE don't ever assume that I really give a damn. Because I don't. If you don't pay your bill, guess what? I could not EVEN care less. It makes no difference to me, I get paid regardless. You aren't hurting me or even making me feel sad face when you say "well, I won't pay this." Again, who cares? It will be your service that gets disconnected, your butt that gets kicked to collections, your new car you won't be able to finance because you just had to show your ass. Again, me? DOES.NOT.CARE.
Okay, so I could literally go on for days. But I think I have most of it out of my system for now. I don't want to get too crazy because the people at this job are definitely a little more computer savvy than the fools that work at Lee's Marketplace and I don't want to get in trouble.
But there will be more....oh yes, there will be more.
Seriously, just shut the hell up. Screaming at me, calling me names, swearing at me and telling me you hope my house burns down and everyone I love is inside just isn't going to make me want to bend over backwards to remove that $1.25 directory assistance call that NO ONE at your house made.
It's amazing how many millions of people have long distance charges that miraculously they know nothing about. Sure, I totally understand how all those collect calls WHICH NO ONE ACCEPTED show up on your bill. Especially when I can see that said collect calls lasted 25 minutes. Oh yes, I know, NO ONE IS HOME AT YOUR HOUSE ever at the exact time those collect calls were made, so of course NO ONE COULD ACCEPT THEM. Funny how those collect calls work though. As in, THEY DON'T, AT ALL, unless someone accepts them.
If you even knew how many calls I take a week about the phantom long distance bandits, you would totally feel like a big old jackass for even trying to get away with that. Hell, at least try and think up a new story. That way you just might get some credits for being fabulous. Okay, no, you won't. Just kidding. But stop it, it's gay.
2. WHEN YOU SEE A CHARGE LABELED "FEDERAL TAX", IT'S SAFE TO GO AHEAD AND ASSUME THE FEDERAL FREAKING GOVERNMENT IS CHARGING YOU.
I know, I know. Living in America and all, it's hard to imagine the Federal Government taxing you for things. Like services. And purchases. It's mind boggling.
Of course, I could just ignore the fact that you JUST DROPPED IN FROM MARS, and therefore are struggling with the idea of taxes, but sometimes I find the strength within myself to try and explain that federal and state taxes are voted on by the constituency of said state, but I can only hear so many times, "But, I didn't vote!" before my skin gets all rashy and I start to eat my own hair.
You didn't vote? Then just shut your damn cakehole.
And for the record, I cannot anyway anyhow remove FEDERAL taxes. Seriously, if I had that superpower do you really think I would be wasting my time and my considerable talents doing this for a living?"
3. AH, THE DREADED 900/976 CHARGES.
Actually, these are almost my favorite calls and it's a shame I don't get them more often. Yes, Customer, of course I understand that your husband/son/nephew/dog/whatever would NEVER EVER do something like
But wait...Here's the dealy-o, Nancy Drew.
Those 900/976 people aren't so stupid. They record the FIRST THREE MINUTES of every single call made. So this means of course, that I get to transfer you to said 900 company and listen as you get your ass handed to you when you hear those first three minutes containing none other than the voice of blah blah Nasty McPervy Pants that would NEVER make that call. And then I laugh at you. And probably talk about you at break.
4. AND LAST, BUT OH MY GOSH, CERTAINLY NOT LEAST.
When you call to dispute charges and I explain them to you, at which point you go all crazy and screamy on me and tell me you are NOT paying, please, PLEASE don't ever assume that I really give a damn. Because I don't. If you don't pay your bill, guess what? I could not EVEN care less. It makes no difference to me, I get paid regardless. You aren't hurting me or even making me feel sad face when you say "well, I won't pay this." Again, who cares? It will be your service that gets disconnected, your butt that gets kicked to collections, your new car you won't be able to finance because you just had to show your ass. Again, me? DOES.NOT.CARE.
Okay, so I could literally go on for days. But I think I have most of it out of my system for now. I don't want to get too crazy because the people at this job are definitely a little more computer savvy than the fools that work at Lee's Marketplace and I don't want to get in trouble.
But there will be more....oh yes, there will be more.
// posted by ~tracy~ @ 10:49 PM 
Comments:
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HOLY SHIT. This is seriously like the best blog ever! Like better than the one we combined into one super blog. I TOTALLY wish I had your job, to send those people the first 3 minutes to the 900 numbers?! That is the cruelest and BEST thing EVER!!! I wouldn't even think of something that awesome. So yeah, I will have to blog about the retards I have helped...oh they are excellent....
# posted by 
: August 7, 2008 at 12:00 PM
: August 7, 2008 at 12:00 PM
I will be waiting to hear the latest!! Too funny! But I think I have told you how funny you are to me. Thanks.
I worked at AT&T complaint dept for a while. I agree, it's amazing how difficult it is to explain the concept of taxes to people that have lived here all their lives! What the heck?!
You're a good woman to do that job! I lasted a grand total of like 2 or 3 months!
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You're a good woman to do that job! I lasted a grand total of like 2 or 3 months!
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